(From "News of the Weird" in the 12/9 San Jose Mercury News:) Lawrence Smith, convicted of dealing stolen cars in a Hartford, Conn. sting operation in June, defended himself at trial by claiming that he had known the buyers were police officers all along and he thought selling the cars to the police officers was the best way of getting the cars to their proper owners. ---------------------------- Weird News - Around May 1990 FIRST THINGS FIRST ------------------ As public television viewers in 12 cities sat glued to their sets while doctors in Philadelphia reconstructed 15-month-old Michele Miller's skull during a two-hour operation broadcast live, the girl's parents, Lynn and Paul Miller of Princeton, N.J., opted to watch "The Wizard of Oz" instead STRIKING STATISTIC ------------------ The odds of winnning the California lottery by matching all six numbers are 14 times greater than the odds of being struck by lightening, according to Lottery magazine. the figure drops to nine times greater in New Jersey, six times greater in Pennsylvania, and four times greater in Connecticut. WE ONLY WANTED IT TO PROP OPEN A WINDOW --------------------------------------- In Atlanta, U.S. District Judge Charles Moye overturned a death sentence for a murderer because the jury that convicted him 10 years ago had asked for a Bible during deliberations. GOT ANY WITH BIGGER DOORS? -------------------------- When the Sudanese government showed an interest in buying two Russian transport planes to ferry supplies to famine-ridden ares in the south, the acting Soviet ambassador allowed the Sudanese to test-fly the aircraft. They flew to rebel-held Yirol and bombed the city, pushing bombs out of the cargo doors. ---------------------------------------------------- Originally from the San Jose Mercury news, "News of the Weird". (a) Portsmouth, R.I. Police charged Gregory Rosa, 25, with a string of vending machine robberies in January when he (1) fled from police inexplicably when they spotted him loitering around a vending machine and (2) later tried to post his $400 bail in coins. (b) Karen Lee Joachimmi, 20, was arrested in Lake City, Florida for robbery of a Howard Johnson's motel. She was armed with only an electric chain saw, which was not plugged in. (c) The Ann Abort News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. And it gets better: (d) David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I, after allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and stealing the closest four bags of money. It turned out they contained $800 in PENNIES, weighed 30 pounds each, and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that police officers easily jumped him from behind. (e) The Belgium news agency Belga reported in November that a man suspected of robbing a jewelry store in Liege said he couldn't have done it *because he was busy breaking into a school at the same time.* Police then arrested him for breaking into the school. (f) Drug-possession defendant Christopher so-and-so, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to compose himself. (g) Atlanta Braves pitcher John Smoltz gave himself five-inch-long welts in March when he tried to iron his polo shirt while wearing it. "I've ironed that way five or six times," he said, "and never had it happen." News of the Weird... from the Chronicle, Sept. 14, 1990 France's tourism minister, Olivier Stirn, resigned in July after his plan to increase attendance at a conference back-fired. When only 37 people showed up (out of 5,000 invitees), Stirn hurriedly called a local actors' union and offered about $50 each for 200 actors to sit in the audience to make it respectable in size (Featured speakers were 12 government ministers and two former prime minsiters). However, the actors thought their gig expired at 6:15 PM (while Defense Minister Jean Pierre Chevenement was speaking), and they walked out en masse. ---------------------------------------------------- The Oklahoma Supreme Court in December upheld the landslide victory by incumbent Frank Ogden III (91 percent) over Josh Evans. Evans had run on a campaign of being an "able lawyer and a living person," which he thought gave him an advantage over Ogden, who had died three months before the election. - From "News of the Weird" in a recent San Jose newspaper ------------------------ Delightful marketing! I saw a product on the market which is: "100 percent liquid cow manure, chemical-free, all natural, organic." Product name: "Wholly Cow" ------------------------ (Another Johnny Carson line, contributed by Dorothy Lustig:) Now here's something real odd that happened to me over the weekend. This was genuinely creepy. I wanted to get that new Time-Life book series. You know the one on "Strange, Unexplained Phenomena". I received my first book five minutes before I called in to order it. ------------------------ (A Johnny Carson joke, contributed by Dorothy Lustig at Tandem:) Last Thursday was the 112th anniversary of Albert Einstein's birth. It's kind of sad that a lot of the young people today don't know as much about Einstein as they should. They asked several hundred young people to finish the equation "E = MC ____ " Three out of four answered: "E = MC Hammer"! ------------------------ (A Jay Leno line, supplied by Dorothy Lustig at Tandem:) Despite the recent rains, the drought in California is so bad that crooks have been breaking into people's homes and draining the waterbeds! ------------------------ (Contributed by Tom Belligan at Tandem:) "I'll always remember this as the night that Michael Jordan and I combined to score 70 points." -- Chicago Bulls forward Stacey King after scoring 1 point in a game in which Jordan scored 69. ------------------------ (Contributed by Tom Belligan at Tandem:) "You're damn right I know where I am. I'm in Madison Square Garden getting beat up." -- Boxer Willie Pastrano to a concerned referee from the mat. ------------------------ (You say you feel like a cross between a teepee and a wigwam? Well, you're just two tents! Read the following item submitted by Tim Hutchinson. It might help you to relax!) As heard on Capital Radio driving to work the other day. This spring a camping equipment manufacturer in Cincinnati, Ohio who wanted to get rid of his surplus stock decided to run an ad campaign in the local newspaper. Drawing on that great man of English letters William Shakespeare the ad read: "Now is the discount of our winter tents." ------------------------ (Contributed by Jim Ellingsen:) There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it were spread out it would completely cover the Sahara Desert. ------------------------ American Airlines recently introduced non-stop DC-10 service from San Jose Airport to Tokyo, Japan. (For those of you not from the local area, San Jose Airport is MUCH more convenient to most people in Silicon Valley, but long-haul non-stop flights normally require departure from San Francisco Airport.) Well many of the passengers on these recent American Airlines flights, including those who paid premium prices to be on the inaugural flight, were more than a little irritated when the plane stopped for almost an hour at the Oakland Airport. (To go from San Jose to Oakland on a DC-10, you barely have enough time to get your wheels off the ground!!!) It turns out that on WINDY DAYS, with a full load of passengers, the runway at San Jose Airport is not long enough to allow a DC-10 to take off with a full load of fuel. So the plane has to stop in Oakland to fill the tanks! ------------------------ (Remember the classic Woody Allen variant of the classic story? He related that when he was a little boy, someone very dear to him gave him a BULLET as a present. This bullet always served as a reminder of his love for this person, and he kept the bullet in his inside jacket pocket, next to his heart. One day, while walking down the street, he was suddenly STRUCK IN THE CHEST by a flying BIBLE! And if it hadn't been for that BULLET, he wouldn't be alive today! Well ... here's a recent variation on this story, straight from the San Jose News about a week ago:) "Calculator lets shooting victim count blessings" Knight-Ridder News Service DETROIT - Ice cream deliverer Kenneth McCarroll's pocket calculator was always handy for figuring customers' bill, but he never knew it was bulletproof. The calculator added years to his life on Tuesday afternoon, when McCarroll, an employee of a local dairy distributor, stopped his truck at a Detroit store. As he entered the truck's freezer to get $200 worth of drumsticks, popsicles and ice cream for the store, McCarroll saw a man lying halfway inside the freezer. The man, who may have fallen, fired a shot without saying a word. "I felt it hit," McCarroll, 40, said at his Dearborn, Mich., home Wednesday. "It knocked the heck out of me. ... I grabbed my stomach, ran into the store .." Marine duty in Vietnam taught him to apply pressure to bullet wounds, so McCarroll clutched his stomach. The gunman escaped while McCarroll waited for police and emergency medical service. "I finally had the nerve to look at it," he said. "When I pulled my shirt up, the bullet fell to the floor. I searched my pocket, and my calculator was just mangled." The bullet - thought to be .32 caliber - ripped through his jacket and plowed through the metal front of the quarter-inch-thick calculator. The slug deflected before bursting through, searing a 1-inch black mark on McCarroll's belly. =========================================================================